go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
