she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
