My balls are so social today.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
