Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
