Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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