When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
