Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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