I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
