i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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