onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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