I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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