then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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