I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He better not be in your backpack
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
