so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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