Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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