carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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