My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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