What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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