i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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