Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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