i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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