pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
