sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
