Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
