***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
