I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
