i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
