my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
