I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
