yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
