So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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