You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
