dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found puke in my bra..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
