Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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