A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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