sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
