I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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