Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
