I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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