if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
