Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
