that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
