if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
