problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
