I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
