I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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