since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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