I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
