I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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