just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
